Time
Air Force Stn Lohegaon shares its runway with the civil aviation. One day the ATC tower at Lohegaon received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who wants a time check?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference.
If it is an Indian Airlines flight, it is 3 O'clock.
If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3".
Girlfriend
A soldier at the border received a letter from his girlfriend back home:
Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope along with this note:
Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.
Moral of the story: If you can't change your fate, change your Attitude.
The Field Telephone
Once there was a newly commissioned officer. One day he went to the Long Range and was just checking out the area when all of a sudden he thought of calling his girlfriend. He ran to the desk to ring her and was greatly relieved not to find anyone on duty. This officer was about to make the call when suddenly the phone rang.
Rrriinggggggggggggg!!!
He ignored
Rrrringgggggggggggggggggg!!
He ignored again
Rrrriinnggggggggggggggg!!
He got irritated and picked up the reciever and the following conversation took place:
Officer: Whats wrong with u a$$hole?
(It was Base Cdr calling )
Base Cdr: (Stunned!) Do you know who I am?
Officer: No! Who are you?
Base Cdr: This is Base Cdr speaking!
(The new officer was a quick witted type)
Officer: Do you know who I am?
Base Cdr: No !
Officer: Thanks!
World War II
It's war time, the Battle of Britain is raging and the War Office decide that the pilots morale needs to be kept high so they come up with a plan for the pilots to take a break now and then to spend some time with the fine young ladies of the aristocracy at evening get-togethers.
Of course, no unseemly business must be allowed, so chaperoned by some of the military bigiwgs, the young ladies are assured only the most civilised behaviour.
At one such do, young Paddy is delighting a group of sparkling debutantes, who are quite taken by his strong good looks, and strong good Irish brogue. As his Wing Commander is passing the little group, he catches Paddy describing his daring escape from attack in the sky, saying "And just as Oi was sweating that Oi'd never have enough fuel to get back, these three Fokkers come swooping down on me!"
Fearful the young ladies would misinterpret the Fokker aircraft for Paddy's legendary sprinkling of the language with expletives, he stepped in to make an explanation to protect their sensibilities.
"If I may, Paddy, ladies. A Fokker is one of the finest aircraft operated by the Luftwaffe, and as Paddy is saying, they do tend to give us in the RAF a lot of trouble in this conflict. Thank you Paddy, you may go on."
"Oh yes indeed Sor," says Paddy, "The Fokker truly is a great machine and all. But these particular fokkers were Messerschmidts."
The General on Radio
This is an exact replication of National Public Radio(NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Army General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation. INTERVIEWER: " So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?"
GENERAL REINWALD: 'We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."
INTERVIEWER: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"
GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range."
INTERVIEWER: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?"
GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see how, ....we will be teaching them proper rifle range discipline before they even touch a firearm."
INTERVIEWER: " But you're equipping them to become violent killers."
GENERAL REINWALD: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?"
The radio went silent and the interview ended!
Work or Pleasure?
Two Majors are in the field area arguing.
The first Major says sex is 90% work and only 10% pleasure.
The second Major argues the opposite: 90% pleasure and 10% work.
They can't agree, so seek a 3rd party to arbitrate. The only person around is a Private doing latrine orderly duty. They ask him his opinion. He asks them if he could speak freely, and they tell him to go ahead.
He answers, "Well, if you really ask my opinion, I'd say it's all pleasure, for if there was any work connected with it, you SOB's would have me doing it!"
Medal of Honour
Two soldiers were boasting to each other about their old army days.
"Why, my outfit was so well drilled," declared one, "that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click."
"Very good," conceded the other, "but when my company presented arms you'd just hear slap, slap, jingle."
"What was the jingle?" asked the first.
"Oh," replied the other offhand, "just our medals."
The Military Chain of Command
THE CO TO THE 2IC: At nine o'clock tomorrow there, will be an eclipse of the sun, something which does not occur every day. Get the men to fall out in the company street in their fatigues so that they will be able to see this rare phenomenon. Should it rain we will not be able to see anything, so take the men to the gym.
THE 2IC TO THE ADJUTANT: By order of the CO, tomorrow at nine o'clock, there will be an eclipse of the Sun; if it rains, you will not be able to see it from the company street, so then, take the men in fatigues to the gym. The eclipse of the Sun will take place in the gym, something that does not occur every day.
THE ADJUTANT TO THE JUNIORMOST OFFICER: By order of the CO in fatigues tomorrow at nine o'clock in the morning the inauguration of the eclipse of the sun will take place in the gym. The CO will give the order if it should rain, something which occurs every day.
THE JUNIORMOST OFFICER TO THE SENIOR JCO: Tomorrow at nine o'clock the CO in fatigues will eclipse the Sun in the gym, as it occurs every day. If it is a nice day you will fall out in the company street.
THE SENIOR JCO TO THE CHM: Tomorrow at nine the eclipse of the CO in fatigues will take place because of the Sun. If it rains in the gym, something which does not take place every day, you will fall out in the company street.
COMMENTS AMONG THE PRIVATES: Tomorrow, if it rains, it looks as if the Sun will eclipse the CO in the gym. It is a shame that this does not occur every day.
