Fragmented Existence

Like an Eagle looking at the sky

Its a gentle luxury to weep,

Clouds have winds for them to keep

Do you know what you want from this life,

To keep away from the darkness deep?

Fragmented existence

Darkness enveloping the bright sky,

A mighty fury building up

A tempest gone wild.

Riding the wind

Unleashing the storm,

Washed away by circumstances

Dipping sun giving way to the dawn.

Fighting the odds

Destroying the violence mile high,

Striving alone

Battling hard to clean up the sky.

Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes

Resurrect the bond,

Spread the hands wide

And fly out to the azure blue sky.

A reason to live

A reason to smile,

A reason to fly

Higher than the blue sky.

Once Again...

This is for the one who made it all possible..my best friend from yesteryears who had got lost in the mist of the past.

Its a different world altogether. A different place and a different plane of existence. I know it wont make sense to a lot of people but I'm not bothered. I know that N would understand it. And thats all that I want.

Change has been the only constant in my life because nothing is permanent except change. N and I have travelled a long path back from those days in the past. While she took a turn to the left, I turned right. It was happenstance that made us meet again. It was providence that made things conducive enough for us to get back and talk just like the good old days.

25 Oct 2007 goes down in my life as a day which sprang a big surprise. Its been quite a roller coaster ride through thick and thin but in the end, N and I came out much the wiser.

It feels great to have rediscovered an old friend, someone who does make a difference to you.

Thanks for everything N. It sure feels great to have you back in life.

Storm & Petals

She has somewhat of a mysterious aura around her that piques at your curiosity the first time you meet her. She is like a quaint old river that flows effortlessly through pebbles & stones & in the process ends up polishing them to a perfect shine.

She is the kind who will make you feel comfortable even under the glare of a 1000 eyes. She is somebody who can touch your circadian rhythm with ease & become a part of your living existence for the rest of your life.

Her affection & love for others is never elusive & people around her enjoy basking under the glory of her spirited existence. A wonderful soul who can never think ill about anyone nor has ever trampled upon anything in her life, she radiates grace & charm wherever she goes. She is the true manifestation of an esoteric beauty with oodles of cerebrum.

She is life!

Earth Bound Misfit

Dear Earth Bound Misfit,

I like the mysterious aura surrounding you. I really appreciate the way you've kept the cards close to you. But this mystery is too much of an esoteric delight to be forgone.

I'm wondering as to how come you know me but I can't place you. You said that you know me a decent bit. Now I'm wondering as to who you are because I'm not in the habit of forgetting people.

Yesterday is but today's memory, tomorrow is today's dream. The only use of a knowledge of the past is to equip us for the present. The present contains all that there is. It is holy ground; for it is the past, and it is the future.

Robert Frost once said "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on".

I know for sure that we know each other. Its not that I've forgotten you but just that its difficult placing you in this maze called life. I wouldn't hazard a guess because sometimes happenstance can go wrong. Nothing changes more constantly than the past; for the past that influences our lives does not consist of what happened, but of what men believe happened.

Nothing would give me greater satisfaction than getting to know who you are. I don't think I'll be expecting too much if I ask you to lift the veil of mystery surrounding you.

'Leave nothing but footprints... Take nothing but pictures... Treasure nothing but memories'.

Regards,

Zephyr.

Alive!

It feels good to be alive

Sun soaked existence

Pretty sight for the eyes.

It feels great to be able to fly

Soar like birds

Touch the zenith sky high.

There's a good deal to survive

Snow covered peaks

Sparkling rivers falling from icy heights.

It feels good to be alive

Mysterious existence

Stars twinkling bright.

The Coolest Blue

Circa 2005

It all started in Bombay.

Since then, life has meandered through pebbles & stones to flow effortlessly with the zest of life.

Where it goes, only time will tell.

* * *

The first time I met her
I fell in love with her charm
Meeting her that day
Was like falling into a romantic trance.

Second time we met
The hope looked brighter
Pictures came and melted the heart
Gave me all the more reasons to smile.

The third time things looked bleak
Didn’t want to miss her,
The glory of her charm
And get the tears of streak.

The pictures came
Went right through my mind
Glimpses of her gracious grace
And her most amazing charm.

Tho’ I aint AXL Rose and Slash
I still jive well
So I believed in God
Put my trust in his faith.

Didn’t want to miss Ms Grace
Snapshots of heaven
Wanderlust of the pure
The two way glory unfolds.

So ‘twas no surprise
That I met her again
Had the best time of my life
Till that very date.

The night was serene
The ocean a deep dark blue
Waters splashing on the Rocks
Foaming with a very different hue.


Things were looking their very best
Had nothin’ to regret
Took the decision
To live it all over again.

Sure about the decision
As sure as heaven as I could be
Want to capture this moment forever
Never to let go by of it again.

I don’t know what lies beyond the blue yonder;
Since I fly in the sky so blue and,
The mighty wings take me high;
Very few things interest me that are,
Not in the sky.

Didn’t know who she was
Didn’t know where she was
Don’t know why I never crossed her
In the alleys of life
Before that moment.

I know many things
Yet don’t know anything
But I know one thing for sure
She is so wonderful and true
That I’ll always find her

The Coolest Blue.

Band of Brothers - The Spirit of Friendship

What you see on the left is a picture from the flag raising at Iwo Jima.

Iwo Jima is a strategically located island in the Pacific Ocean which witnessed one of the bloodiest infantry fights of World War II. The US Army & the USMC fought a bloody battle to wrest Iwo Jima away from the Japanese.

Whenever I look at this picture, it evokes a strong nostalgic feeling in me. It brings back all the good memories of being with people whom you could trust with your life. It brings back the memories of those long lost days and nights wherein we would patiently sit out for the enemy and then go in for the kill. Band of Brothers, thats what we used to call ourselves before HBO made the term a household name through its syndicated series with the same name.

That was then. Now, in the swish civy streets, Band of Brothers feels more like an alien concept. People talk about things like group dynamics, cooperation & esprit de corps. These all sound so very jazzy but I hardly ever see any such thing happening. People are more interested in scoring points over one another, criss crossing each other & trying their level best to pull down others around them.

The war cry & the blood curdling screams are not present here but the competition is so intense that people dont hesitate even once to draw out their swords & attack others with razor sharp accuracy. The trust, the faith & all the friendliness is gone.

I'd been warned about the pit falls of the civy street but I never knew that it is so difficult for people here to live upto the spirit of friendship. It never crossed my mind that over here, people whom you consider close can actually react negatively one day and fall out permanently by the way side.

I've always been confused by the ways of the so called civilized world. People whom you consider good friends & who are close to you, you never expect them to act in an irrational manner. I fail to understand as to how after having put in a lot of time & effort to make the friendship work, it crumbles down and breaks apart because of a freak incident.

If the friendship is so weak that it cant endure even a slight change in weather, then its better that there be no friendship! I know I am making a very strong statement here but I have always hated the cold shoulder attitude. Someone might accuse you of not making enough efforts to sustain the tempo of friendship but then, what can you do when somebody is blind and oblivious to reality. What do you do when your friend refuses to see reason & ends up believing a rank outsider? If an outsider can influence your friend so much that she goes at loggerheads with you & becomes opposed to you, then I guess there is no reason to continue with the friendship anymore.

It takes a lot to build, maintain & sustain any relationship. It must be so strong that even the fiercest of tempests cant knock it down. However, if the very will to survive against all odds is absent & one ends up believing people who wish nothing but the worst for your friendship, one cant help but feel disappointed.

I always keep humming to myself, its not for us to reason why, its just for us to do or die. God knows I tried my best, I did all that I could to save the situation from going bust. But inspite of my 100% efforts, the lifelong friendship that was supposed to last an eternity came to an end.

I'm still the same, nothing much has happened to me. But I miss having the good pal whose company I enjoyed so much all these days. Its easy to forget a broken heart when ones relationship goes through the doldrums but its difficult or rather impossible to come to terms with having lost a good friend. It becomes all the more difficult not to miss her when she is not around & to act as if shes not there even though she is sitting somewhere else in the same room where you're sitting. I dont care much about the curious stares that people give & neither do I give a damn about the people who were instrumental in breaking up our friendship. What I am concerned about is to figure out if I can get back to my friend just like the good old days.

Nothing beats the feeling of walking down a long winding road with a close pal. Nothing can substitute the joy of sharing things with your friend. Nothing can ever come close to the happiness one derives when one knows that a friend is always there to stand by you.

Reality has jaded me so much that I ended up becoming an optimist. I know that nothing is permanent except change & one day I would love to be back with my friend. When that happens, only time will tell. I've left the option wide open to her & for a change, I'm really hoping that she can dispel the cloud of mistrust separating us.

The spirit of friendship has never failed me. Eternity is a long way to go.

She will always be a friend to me.

Flying Into Virgin Territory

First time in the air is an awesome experience for most of us. But the first time one gets airborne as a pilot with the full knowledge that henceforth he/she is responsible for the sortie is indeed a nerve wracking experience.

An air passenger will never be able to fathom what goes on inside a pilot's mind. This is not so much because of any lack of knowledge or skill-set of the passenger as it is due to the unique aspect of flying. Nothing can tell you about flying other than first hand experience.

The first time I went airborne, I was bewildered beyond my wildest imagination. Too many things were happening at the same time. I didnt know what to do, whether to keep a check on my aircrafts attitude with respect to the horizon, look outside the canopy to cross check where I was headed, keep an eye over engine parameters or simply to adjust the throttle mixture setting as per the regulations & trim the aircraft.

I felt very flustered because this was something that I'd been waiting for all my life. While others used to eat, dream & sleep cricket with most of my pals chasing skirts & the gals fishing for guys, I used to pore over tomes of flying books, both fascinated & engrossed at the same time about the wonderful world of aviation. Since the very beginning, I was sure that sky is where I belong to & while others are born to die, I am born to fly. LOL!

My first air sortie as a pilot was nothing much to talk about. Apart from my amazing bewilderment, I was mightily confused as to what to do next. While I did all the checks as per the SOP, called out over R/T while turning Cross & timed out perfectly after having crossed the live dumbell over Downwind, I couldnt understand how time flew so fast! It seemed just a second ago that I'd pulled up in air during my Take Off roll & I was already on Baseleg, about to call off for a Full Stop over long finals.

After doing the regimen of [i]Nose straight, no drift[/i] & blah blah blah, I touched down & cleared off the link to reach the apron. With the engines shut & all circuit breakers out, I opened the cockpit canopy & gulped in a mouthful of the hot desert air.

When I was in school I'd read the Red Baron's (Manfred von Richthofen) 1917 book Der Rote Kampfflieger. Apart from his flying feats, I was especially impressed by the Red Baron's honesty about his utter mental confusion the first time he went into the air. I must also mention General Sefton Brancker's (of the notorious Mercator controversy) famous remark in his lecture to the Royal Aeronautical Society when he said that no one ever sees anything at all during his first hour in the air owing to the hopeless confusion in his mind caused by the novel aspect of everything.

Flying into virgin territory isnt such an easy task afterall!

Sadaiv Satark

Sadaiv Satark or Always Alert is what keeps one alive not only in the battlefield but also in the swish civvy street.

This incident happened very recently. I'd to go down to city 'H' on an official visit and was accompanied by Ms. 'D' and Mr. 'M'. On their insistence, we booked a CHT (Civ Hired Transport) for ourselves.

These CHT's are considered very safe & the best way to cover long distances as one need not get unduly worried about keeping a constant watch for unwanted visitors.

We boarded our CHT at 2130 Hrs on an evening when the heavens had amply opened up with all their wonderous delight. We'd hardly travelled a few miles when news trickled in about the twin bomb blasts in city 'H' with many fatal casualties. A sordid pall of gloom descended upon us at this mindless violence. I fail to understand these Jehadi minds who are hell bent on creating utter destruction where-ever they go. I dont understand why people cant adopt the policy of 'Live & let live'. Is harmonious coexistence so difficult?

Anyway, we continued with our journey even though the threat perception level was at an all time high. Ms 'D' & Mr 'M' joked about people in city 'H' giving me a jazzy welcome. Twin blasts with lots of fatalities, it looked like a bad omen.

Mr 'M' was constantly on the phone with his beloved and as Ms 'D' was sitting next to me, the task of distracting her mind from the blasts fell upon me. The CHT we were travelling in had a video console and we ended up watching an old hindi flick. I was mighty amused to see one of the biggest hits of the early 90's after such a long time. The moves & shakes of the onscreen actors seemed very funny & Ms 'D' & I ended up having a hearty laugh watching the movie. With garish make-up, clothes that can give you eye sores, cliched dialogues & a storyline that seemed to lead nowhere, I started wondering as to what nadir the Indian movie industry had fallen to during the 90's before it resurrected itself post Y2K like a Phoenix rising from the ashes.

Sometime after midnight, we pulled up at a roadside dhaba where a lot of truckers were taking a pit stop on their seemingly endless journey to their destination. In India, one thumb rule to make out a good wayside joint is to count the number of trucks parked outside. The more the number of truckers eating their food at a particular joint, the higher is the possibility of finding tasty food inside.

Ms 'D' was not really hungry as she'd been to a McDonald's before we started our journey. Mr 'M' was slightly hungry & as for me, well, I'm somewhat like Jughead Jones. I'm perenially hungry, and not just for food! LOL! So while Ms 'D' stuck to her favourite cola drink, Mr 'M' & I digged into some spicy chicken gravy along with an endless stream of that quintessential of all chicken accompaniments...butter naan. Ms 'D' was charming enough not to object while we guys chomped down our food. Once the chow session was over, we moved back to the CHT and started the trash hindi movie from where we'd left it before going for dinner.

Mr 'M' found a cosy spot in the CHT & was beaming side to side on having found a strong connection on his cellphone even on the move. And then he went back to the object of his affection. Love can actually drive people crazy, notwithstanding the huge roaming bill that you incur on the move!

So it was back to Ms 'D' & ME all over again. We discussed a lot many things that night. As the CHT moved forward into the dark night with the crap songs from the same old hindi movie blaring out of the speakers, the heavens, which had been taking a breather, opened up again. It felt wonderful hearing the pitter-patter of raindrops lashing against the window. And my discussion with Ms 'D' continued even further into the night.

Sometime late into the night, Ms 'D' drifted off into the dreamy world. Mr 'M' had already been asleep for the past couple of hours. Apart from the driver, I was the only one in the entire CHT who was fully awake. With the sleep fairy acting coy with me, I couldn't even drift off to the dreamy world the way my friend Ms 'D' did. So I just closed my eyes & started thinking about some random things.

After sometime, I felt a sudden urge to get ready for action. Now that was a strange feeling because it had been ages since I last vanquished any enemy elements. However, years of gruelling training & tons of experience years told me otherwise. My instinct was very much intact & so was my reaction time. In a split second, I became acutely aware of my immediate environment, opened my eyes & started sensing around to see if something was wrong. That very moment, I saw something very large looming over my head from the window & at the same time, I saw very bright headlights appear ghostlike from the front.

In a nanosecond, I sensed that something major was going to happen & that too from the window side. My reaction kicked in & I instinctly took Ms 'D's' head in my hands & tucked them under my shoulder. A fraction of a second later, the whole window shattered to a million pieces with most of the glass pieces flying directly towards me. Ms 'D' & I had borne the brunt of the impact and suddenly after that, the whole CHT lifted up in the air, became airborne for sometime and came crashing down with a defeaning thud.

All of a sudden, the whole place became quiet. I swear you could have heard the sound of a cotton ball wafting down to earth. It was the deadly silence that followed the severest of tempests, the peaceful calm that is left behind after a storm.

I physically lifted Ms 'D' out of her seat & picked out glass pieces that had got embedded into her clothes. After ensuring that she was safe & after having checked out Mr 'M', I became aware of a sharp, throbbing pain in my arms. Under the Indiglow illumination of my wristwatch, I realised that glass pieces had got deeply embedded into my skin.

Mr 'M' had woken up with a start & I told him to move out of the vehicle. We collected our gear & notwitstanding the pain, I brushed off the scattered glass pieces & helped Ms 'D' come out of the CHT. I did a rudimentary inspection & was glad that nobody had been seriosuly hurt. I was bleeding from several places but managed to dab out the blood fairly quickly. My adrenaline was pumping fast & the pain & discomfort of having glass pieces embedded into my skin was the last thing on my mind.

It was a beautiful night, we were on the upslope of a hill, a nice gentle breeze was blowing & the entire place was eerily lighted up in shades of blue & brazen gold with the sunrise just about an hour away. On closer examination of the CHT, I found the chasis broken & the entire left side of the vehicle dented with the whole window portion smashed away. The CHT stood on the road like a lighthouse rooted to the shore amidst a sea full of fury.

At first we thought that we'd been hit by IED's but on inspecting the surrounding environment something else transpired. While we were climing the hill, a tree branch fell down right in front of the CHT. Our driver swerved to avoid the branch but due to high speed ended up hitting the tree itself. The whole tree shook in mighty fury & came crashing down on us through the window. Ms 'D' & I bore the full impact & thats when the window broke & glass started flying everywhere. Due to the momentum which was imparted now, the driver tried stopping the CHT but ended up hitting a 10-wheeler truck coming from the opposite side. This was the second impact & it lifted us up in the air.

The tree came crashing down through the window into the exact spot where Ms 'D' & I had our respective heads & had I not ducked & pulled Ms 'D' under me, our heads would have been blown to smithereens. I dont know whether it was luck or something else that saved us that night, but had it not been for the quick reflexes, both Ms 'D' & I would have been on our way to heaven. And then everyone would have prayed R.I.P. for us!

Ms 'D' was still in a daze & though she was taking everything in her stride, she was majorly shaken up. Thats when the feeling sunk in that we both could have easily died in that freak mishap. I have traversed through minefields, walked down trails full of IED's & Jumping Betty's & would have been really disappointed had I gone heavenward in a stupid road accident.

However, we'd a job to do & so after minor repairs to the CHT, continued on our journey. What happened afterwards is an event in itself & I shall cover it sometime else.

Op Adwitiya Part I

Key Location Post, 2345 Hrs
I am going out on a mission after a long time and it feels good to be back in action. The stuffiness of the airconditioned environment had started affecting my sanity. Its good to back in the open and experience the varied human emotions all over again.

Adwitiya would loosely translate into 'Second to none'. This mission couldn't have been more aptly named. I like the sound of Adwitiya, like being in action all over again.

We humped off from the KLP in an exuberant mood. But the good times were soon to come to an end. A couple of minutes into the mission and the first volley of gunfire started. This was pretty normal but what came next was a bit of a shocker. There were two loud bangs followed by a series of explosions that ripped apart the darkness of the night. The staccato firing was so intense and the din so loud that one could have easily gone deaf.

"Its not for us to reason why, its just for us to do or die"! With these thoughts in mind and also with the goal looming over the dark horizon, we pushed ahead ignoring the blood curdling scenario that suddenly seemed to have enveloped us from all over.

...To be continued...